as Roadrunner commented on my post from last night when i felt so low, this monologue from Tom Hanks in Cast Away really applied. Good news is that today is another day, i kept breathing, and while last night felt so dark TODAY THE SUN IS SHINING (actually its overcast and storming but to me thats like the sunshine, since i love the rain and we needed it badly here). anyway, this is the quote from the movie (if you have not seen it, i reccommend it greatly-bolding is mine):
Chuck Noland: We both had done the math. Kelly added it all up and... knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had... lost her. 'cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
Chuck Noland: We both had done the math. Kelly added it all up and... knew she had to let me go. I added it up, and knew that I had... lost her. 'cos I was never gonna get off that island. I was gonna die there, totally alone. I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something. The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen. So... I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself. I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me. And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I-I - , I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had power over *nothing*. And that's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket. I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive. Somehow. I had to keep breathing. Even though there was no reason to hope. And all my logic said that I would never see this place again. So that's what I did. I stayed alive. I kept breathing. And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail. And now, here I am. I'm back. In Memphis, talking to you. I have ice in my glass... And I've lost her all over again. I'm so sad that I don't have Kelly. But I'm so grateful that she was with me on that island. And I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?
3 comments:
Just keep breathing hon, you're never alone, you have to ride above it, He loves you and so do your friends. Give yourself a hug and know that your mom wants you to live a full and wonderful life. And don't forget you have people who will do anything for you.
Hi Lani, I'm glad you're using this blog as a means of self expression and getting things off your chest. Please be sure to keep talking and, like people have said, if you feel down and in despair, reach out right away for help. Don't forget that we're all here for you no matter what, and acknowledge that when it really hits hard, depression always paints a much bleaker picture than what reality is!
I think the Cast Away quote really sums up what I was going to say. Some people consider suicide as the only control they have over what is otherwise a very arbitrary life (from some perspectives including my own), so it can seem compelling to consider taking your life and giving yourself some measure of control.
But you also have the power to keep living. I know your faith in God is very powerful. Don't lose faith in yourself and those around you, either. Don't lose faith in your ability to feel emotions, happiness, and to have a purpose in your life. It is possible to define meaning for yourself through your actions, not just your beliefs.
You've been through so much more than many of us have -- go easy on yourself.
I know you love long car trips, but how do you feel about your daily commute? I know I've gotten completely stressed out over my daily 60 miles and I sometimes make it worse by overanalyzing every aspect of my life on every inch of road. I keep thinking of times you've mentioned wanting to drive into a tree or something -- maybe this is really the tip of an iceberg?
The other thing I'd say is that I think we military / overseas brats have a somewhat fractured view of life as a result of our very unique upbringing. I've been struggling off and on with varying degrees of depression since Patch.
There is a "Brats -- Our Journey Home" documentary making its way around the States which you might want to check out: www.bratsourjourneyhome.com. (In Texas this month actually!)
Hang in there and keep talking to us -- it will get better and we're here for you.
Man, I love that movie. According to weather dot com you should feel much better since they're predicting rain over the next week and a half. I'd be interested to see if that's what really happens...
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