bye bye baby :(

so today matches the longest cycle i've ever had at 44 days. i went to the fertility doctor for a preg. test and it came back negative. so my cycles are still all screwed up all on their own. this is good news in a way because my cardiologist can now do the nuclear stress test and we dont have to worry about the radiation affecting a fetus.

but this brings about a major delimma... first of all both me and chris agree that my health is most important. between the PCOS and the FSH hormone (the one that makes a good egg released) being out of whack we know my overies and uterous are not as good as they should be.
with the metabolic syndrome we know my insulin isnt as good as it shold be. with my iron so low we know my red blood cells are not as good as they should be. and now with my blood pressure high and thousands of extra heartbeats, we know my heart isnt as good as it should be.

so what does this mean? it means that until i am totally healthy we are going to postpone the chance of getting pregnant. once i finally start my period i'm gonna get on birth controll.

this will allow more options for BP management since there were certain meds i couldnt take if i was planning on becoming pregnant. this will also regulate my cycles and maybe infuluence the PCOS.

the bad thing is that i've ALWAYS gained weight with birth controll. i've been on several different types over the years, it doesnt matter. and i really dont need any extra weight, i struggle getting off what i have now! and i know the weight factor is most likely a contributing force with the BP too. also, once you get off the birth controll it takes awhile to be fertile again, and i already have a problem with that as it is!

but i'm setting off on a new course: lets get the BP manageable which will allow me to do more vigerous exercise (right now the doc wont even let me on a treadmill until the BP gets under controll!). and if i can bring down the BP and eventually not even need the medicines then all the more better!! hopefully exercise along with diet will also combat negative effects of birthcontroll.

next week i turn 32. i was really looking forward to being able to have/start a family by this time in my life. its a very tough decision to make and to be honest breaks my heart. i know some of you will say "what about adoption"? truth is it costs a ton of money, money that we dont have and wont have for quite some time. so we're left to natural ways. and it looks as if those ways are just out of my hands at this point.