i hate being sick

so yesterday morning i woke up with a stuffy head and sore throat. felt fine the night before, so i dont know where this is coming from. last night was horrible since i could barely breathe and got hardly any sleep. when i woke up today i had a slight fever, but so far tylenol is helping in that dept. and of course along with feeling crappy like this i'm also dealing with the yucky side effects of the other drug i'm taking which makes me feel nausious and very drowsy, except that sleeping is hard when you cant breath! ugh..so frustrating!! i hate being sick.

the other reason i hate being sick is thats when my defenses get knocked down a bit. as most of you know, i like having controll of situations and for quite some time now i've denied to myself how overwhelmed i feel. how scared i am. how freaked out i am that Caitlin could be here any day and motherhood begins. about how much i miss my own mom and wish she were still here to talk to. pretty much on a daily basis i just feel like collapsing in a corner and crying, but i dont. well, being so fed up with feeling miserable and being stuck at home has worn me down to the point where yesterday morning the flood gates started opening and i let my emotions rise to the surface. not fun, but part of the process of change thats about to occur,eh?

anyway, the sooner 1) i can breathe normally again and swallow without hurting and 2) i can get some sound sleep and 3) Caitlin comes so i can stop taking the anti-contraction drug then things will be much better!