thoughts from Walmart

a couple things i'm pondering today so let's just get right into it, shall we?

first of all, this morning as i got out of my car at Walmart an older hispanic gentleman approached me saying he needed gas for his car and could i help him. i told him that i had a little one to take care of and that i was sorry, but i couldnt. so all the time i was in Walmart i kept wondering if that man was genuine. should i have helped him? i just didnt know if i could trust him. especially since it was only me and caitlin. i think its so sad that we always have to be on guard now a days. what if that man really did just need some gas and was stranded? what if i was in that position? more importantly, what if that was God...would i see Him or just the circumstance? now, i know that sometimes these things are a scam, and there have been stories of people getting hurt or worse killed. and i didnt want to put myself at risk. but i gotta ask..where do you draw the line? when i left the store i didnt see the gentleman wandering in the parking lot, so maybe someone did help. who knows. but it still bothers me.

secondly, as i was driving home from Walmart i decided to go past our old house and neighborhood since it was really close. and as i was sitting at a stop sign on our old street i teared up. i missed it. i miss our neighbors. i miss the neighborhood cats. i miss our house. despite the fact that it was small, it felt cozy and warm. our new house just doesnt have that feeling. granted, there is one room that is still empty until we can afford to buy bookshelfs, another room that has an empty space till we can afford to buy something to sit on (loveseat,couch, futon, whatever..), and our yard that is a mess until we can afford to buy the neccessary stuff to improve it. we moved from a 1200sq ft house to a 1400+ sqft house, so of course there will be some empty places but i've also been holding off filling the gaps because i want things to look simple, not crowded. and yet i think today i realized that maybe crowded (or maybe cozy is the word i'm looking for) is what i need. maybe that will make this place feel like home, and not like i'm in someone else's house. i don't know if that makes any sense but i think i "get it". and so i think i'll make more of an effort to peruse the thrift shops to find those missing pieces (anyone have bookcases, sofa/loveseat/futon, that they want to give away? yard materials?) and maybe just maybe paint some of these walls. (but we'll see about doing that last part anytime soon cause thats pretty difficult to do with a little munchkin around!) one way or another i'm gonna make this house a home!

my brain is tired. who knew that a simple trip to Walmart would turn into such a mindful ordeal?