programmed politeness

you know when people ask you how you are doing, you typically say "fine" "good" or some one word answer. and then even if you are not doing well, but the other person is doing worse, its just not polite to go on and on about your situation when you know compared to the other person life is actually decent for you. and then if you are angry at someone but you dont want to hurt their feelings you say nothing. this may not be what you do, but i sure act like this. i think we are programmed to be polite...and i was thinking of little kids who are so innocent and say what they are really feeling. how freeing that must be.

there are days, like today, when i would just love to say how i feel without regard to other people's feelings. so i'm gonna do just that here.

i'm tired. physically and emotionally. Dr.Webb aked if i was enjoying my pregnancy....how does one do that when they work all day and then come home and take care of stuff around the house? how can you enjoy the knife stabbing pains, cramping, tender and growing breasts, roller coaster hormones, upset stomach, and overall fatigue, not to mention labor, that no man will ever be able to relate to?! ( i wish there was something that men could go through that would make them feel all we feel so they truely understand....but alot of guys i know are wimps already when they get sick, or are too macho to go see a doctor, so that in itself is reason that God made it for women to have children! ) all that on top of normal regular day-to-day stresses like problems at work, relationships, pets, etc. i think the only way to really enjoy pregnancy is to have the luxery to stay home during this time, sleep when you want, put your feet up and relax.

there was a sunday at church where i was helping to stack chairs....a fellow church member saw me and told me i shouldnt do that because i was pregnant. so does that mean pregnant women should not be able to go grocery shopping? cause a bag of cat food weighs just as much and i have to lift that and other groceries to put it in my cart and also in my car. i'd love to play the helpless person just for once and have people do things for me all in the name of being pregnant.

my coworker constantly complains about her finances. well, we're very tight on budget,too, but you dont hear me complaining non-stop. in fact we recently did something to help reduce debt and that felt really good. but here is a case where i'd like to yell at her "YOU ARE NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO HAS FINANCIAL ISSUES...STOP COMPLAINING AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" but i dont. in fact this same coworker has made numerous mistakes that has cost my boss lots of money out of her own pocket, but my boss wont fire her because she knows she needs the money. well, i have alot more responsibility and my errors are few and far between and yet she and i get paid the same rate. i get angry about that. but i just keep in mind that several months down the line i will be gone from here and that makes me happy :) no more dealing with my boss and all this crap!!!

i admit i'm apprehensive of the change of life coming. i am excited about being a mom and loving this precious baby. but i'm nervous how it will change the relationship dynamic in the home. there are times already when chris comes home moody and i cant handle that very well...what happens if you combine that with a screaming baby? or how will this effect the dynamic with our birds? Guiness already has issues with little people coming up to his cage. its stuff like this that keeps me awake at night sometimes. but as far as taking care of the baby, the middle of the night feedings, the responsibility that comes with raising a child...i'm all for that!

you know, i could go on. but this little venting session has made me feel a bit better. now i can go back to being the polite person who says i'm dong "fine"