reality of full time

this week i am starting to feel the disadvantages of working full time while being a parent of a young child. at first i was so pumped up on the job and all it entailed. and while i still think its pretty interesting most of the time, i'm also noticing how much i miss being home with caitlin. i constantly think of her throughout the day. sometimes it hurts so bad i get tears in my eyes.

i don't suppose that a bad dream i had last night helped. long story short, i was being mugged and as the man pointed his gun at me all i could think of was not being there to see caitlin grow up. that thought has haunted me all day.

the people at the vet are nice, but i am in a totally different part of my life than anyone there. out of a staff of 11, i'm the 2nd, maybe 3rd, oldest by 5 years or so (oldest being the head Dr. who is in his 60's). only one other person has a kid and she is 8yrs old. only 2 other people are married. so this makes it difficult to really connect for me. and yet i'm with these people more than i am with my own family. thus, i find myself thinking of home alot more.

maybe i'm just tired (yes). maybe i'm just having a down day (yes). all i know for sure is that when i was working full time in the past, without having a kid, it didnt seem to emotionally hurt so much. amazing what parenthood will do to ya.