my previous life

one fun thing about moving is that sometimes it can feel like christmas when you stumble upon stuff that was packed away for a long time. such was the case today when i found a journal i used to write in. there are entries from the years 1986-2000. basically from 4th grade until a year after i got married. its quite interesting to read. it feels like another life, like i am just a spectator to that world when in fact i actually was the one experiencing it. . and yet it really wasnt so long ago. so whats changed? a question for me to ponder.

i used to enjoy writing-narratives and poems. its been a very long time since i've done any of that. but in my journal i have this poem i wrote the day my mother died:

It Rained The Day You Left by Lani Kinion

did you plan to go that instant
when the earth was dry but our eyes were not
and sprinkling you showed us your tears
lighting the sky in what we thought normal
but perhaps a sign of your radiant smile?

moaning, howling, breaking through the trees
blowing over chairs once sturdy
only now fragile in your strength; could you hear us?
could you hear our cries amidst your wind
that cradled our broken hearts while whispering goodbye?

were you there, was it you?
or was it just the rain that fell on the day you left?

i want to start writing more. blogging has been great, but there is only so much personal stuff i feel comfortable expressing for the whole world to see ;) but my journal, i think its time for me and it to become good friends again.